Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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