Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
