dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
