At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
