after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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