I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
