she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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