My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
