I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
