She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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