I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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