I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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