would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
