Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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