she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
