Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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