We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
