there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
