Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
