she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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