I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
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I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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