dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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