She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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