I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize