I intend to get homeless drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
