im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
