she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
