Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My cat gives me a boner
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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