if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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