last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
