Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Semen is not good for contacts.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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