Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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