Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
