Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
