Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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