She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
