My balls are so social today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
