It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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