You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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