Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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