it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
