Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
