The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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