I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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