ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
