I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
