Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
