I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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