Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
