I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
