when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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