I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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