He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
how does that bad decision feel?
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