what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
