Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
