I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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