in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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