a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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