somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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