Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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