They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
